Victoria Karam
Becoming a mother for the first time was a journey filled with both joy and challenges. With my now 20-month-old toddler, I had the privilege of experiencing the unique bond that breastfeeding brings. Latching was a challenge in the beginning, but we quickly both got the hang of it. For three months, I breastfed and pumped exclusively, savoring the connection that only a mother can feel. My breastmilk supply was steady, and I felt a deep sense of accomplishment in nourishing my daughter in this special way, even during those 2:00am feeds while on barely three hours of sleep.
However, as my maternity leave came to an end, the reality of returning to my corporate job set in. Breastfeeding before and after, pumping during work, and the stress of balancing a demanding job while being away from my baby took a toll more quickly than expected. My supply, once abundant, began to dwindle, and by the time my daughter was five months old, it was nearly depleted. When my breastmilk first came in, I was lucky enough to pump 7-8 ounces during each session; yet after returning to work those sessions only had 1-2 ounces to show for it, which was hard considering my daughter was needing more and more in each bottle as she grew. I relied on my frozen stash to keep her fed until she was around seven months old, when I ultimately made the switch to formula.
I knew that "fed is best," and I was grateful that my daughter was growing strong and healthy. Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had somehow failed as a first-time mom. The disappointment in myself was overwhelming, even though the formula (shoutout to Bobbie) was doing its job wonderfully. With time, those feelings began to fade, but looking back, I sometimes wish I had tried harder to continue breastfeeding.
Now, as I look forward to the arrival of my second child (due in early April), I’m hopeful for a different experience. I’m optimistic that I’ll be able to breastfeed for longer this time around, but more importantly, I’m determined to be kinder to myself, no matter how things unfold. Whether through breastmilk or formula, my baby will be loved, fed, and taken care of in the best way possible.
In the meantime, I’m pouring my energy into growing my Virtual Assistant business, Victoria’s Digital Desk, and exploring other side hustles. My goal is to eventually leave my corporate job for my business and spend more time with my children—because, as every parent knows, the days are long, but the years are short. This time around, I’m determined to savor every moment and make the most of these precious years, hopefully saving on some of those shockingly expensive daycare costs along the way!
As I reflect on my breastfeeding journey, I’m reminded that motherhood is a constant learning experience. It’s about embracing the highs and lows, the successes and the struggles, and knowing that no matter what, you’re doing your best for your child. I’m excited for what the future holds, in whichever way it comes, and I’m ready to embrace every moment of this beautiful, unpredictable journey.